Simple Ways to Get Started in BDSM
Society is well past sexual conservatism, but it hasn’t reached sexual liberalism in its full sense yet. Even though the BDSM community is thriving, there’s still some stigma surrounding the concept. Were it not the case, you would’ve already unleashed your inner kink (and this article wouldn’t exist).
However, the circumstances have it that you’re a newbie to the idea. As such, you’ll need a few BDSM tips. Instead of doing extensive research and risking confusion, read on and follow this step-by-step BDSM for beginners guide. It’ll lead you to whichever role you wish to assume in the scene.
Talk About It
BDSM is an umbrella term for various kinks. While some are only slightly edgier than vanilla sex, others appear to be more extreme. Nevertheless, the same golden rule of BDSM applies to everyone involved, regardless of their affinities — every scene has to be safe, sane, and consensual.
The SSC philosophy is simple to grasp as a concept, but it may be somewhat complicated in practice. Namely, it encompasses several principles, such as boundaries, safe words, and aftercare. Since you can’t read your partner’s mind (and they can’t read yours), honest communication is an essential part of a BDSM relationship.
Before you engage in any BDSM activity, however mild it may seem, you have to openly talk to your partner about it. Feel free to express your desires and fears, but be mindful of theirs as well. Setting boundaries and respecting them is paramount for BDSM — the experience should be pleasurable for both of you.
Play With Words
It’s a common misconception that BDSM is only about handcuffs, gags, and whips. Don’t get me wrong — sex toys can be an amazing addition to the overall experience. However, verbal communication is far more important. In fact, your imagination and creativity will be more stimulating than anything you can buy.
Playing with words is the perfect way to start a dom/sub relationship. Once you’ve established your boundaries, you can arrange how you want to call each other. The dominant partner can be referred to as sir or ma’am, while the sub’s nickname usually depends on the type of play you practice (a sub engaging in pet play is usually called kitten).
A dom/sub relationship involves commands and (occasional) punishments by default. In accordance with the nature of your relationship, choose appropriate assertive and reprimanding words the dom can use when addressing their sub.
How to: BDSM Equipment
Even though sex toys are not the essence of BDSM play, they can enrich the experience and make it even more exciting. However, the expansion of the sex industry has rendered the selection of products so broad that it can be confusing, especially to newbies such as yourself.
Instead of aimlessly wandering (or browsing) through a sex store, build your own collection gradually. You don’t have to turn your bedroom into a playroom right away. For the time being, try some sensory deprivation play with the help of a blindfold or engage in light bondage (handcuffs and ropes are easy to use).
You’re starting from scratch, so it’s important to determine your own pace and take your time. You’re not going to miss out on anything — the sex toy selection will only get broader as the industry continues to thrive.
Orgasm Control
In addition to assertive and reprimanding words, orgasm control is another great way of establishing dominance in BDSM play. In fact, no command has as big of an impact on a sub as edging does. The term is self-explanatory — you stop at the metaphorical edge a moment before you fall off it and into orgasm.
Not only does edging consolidate the power dynamic that’s the basis of a BDSM relationship, but it also strengthens the eventual orgasm. The more you deny yourself a treat, the more you’ll enjoy it once you get hold of it. That may be a childish-sounding philosophy, but it’s quite accurate in this context.
Finally, edging is a great introduction to chastity play, a common sexual fantasy of BDSM practitioners (and wannabes). If you’re one of them, don’t lock yourself in a cage just yet. Ease your way into it and enjoy the journey.
Candles and/or Ice
Not all BDSM equipment has to be bought in a sex shop. In fact, there are things you can use that you don’t even have to buy as you probably already have them at hand. If you’ve found yourself in the S/M part of the BDSM spectrum, you may enjoy temperature play during sex.
The combination of a candle and an ice cube can do wonders, especially during foreplay. The feeling of melting wax on one part of the body and the icy sensation on another can truly awaken your senses. However, be careful when it comes to wax — S/M is about pain, not severe injury.
Role-Play
Role-play is among the most popular BDSM techniques. In case you’ve already researched the topic, you must’ve found tons of images of dressed-up people.
The popularity of role-play in BDSM circles comes as no surprise. Every kink within the spectrum is regarded as play, and every participant’s status is referred to as a role. In fact, many kinksters don’t adopt BDSM as a lifestyle — they merely view it as a way of having sex.
Dressing up is a great way to express your desires and lose your inhibitions. Whether BDSM is present only in the sexual segment of your relationship or it’s your way of life, it’s, in fact, play. When you look at it that way, you can explore yourself and channel your inner mistress or master or simply assume a role contrary to your character.
Closing Thoughts
The stigma around BDSM makes it seem not only confusing but also intimidating. That’s why it’s only whispered about instead of being addressed openly. In order to explore it and enjoy yourself in the process, you need to talk about it to your partner. You won’t change the attitude of society toward it, but you may enrich your relationship.