Different Ways to Provide Aftercare After a BDSM Scene

If you’re into BDSM (or thinking about getting in on the play), you must be familiar with the SSC principle. It stands for “safe, sane, and consensual,” which is what every BDSM scene should be.

Even though it can be more or less intense, a BDSM scene differs from vanilla sex. You may view it as the sexual equivalent of an extreme sport. In spite of all the precautions, a participant may need aftercare.

What Is Aftercare?

Given its nature, BDSM implies certain rules and responsibilities. Other than the “safe, sane, and consensual” philosophy which is in its core, you have to take the subject of aftercare into account as well. It usually arises after a particularly intense scene, so you need to be familiar with it.

However safe (and exciting), BDSM play can leave both physical and emotional scars on a person. Since you can’t predict whether that will happen or not, you must be prepared to provide aftercare to your partner (and vice versa). Therefore, once you’ve established your boundaries, you should discuss the topic of aftercare to know how to tend to each other’s physical and emotional needs.

The Reason for Aftercare

As a kinkster, you know how exciting BDSM activities can be. They allow you to unleash your inner dom or sub and experiment with different fetishes and sensations. Although society stigmatizes it, BDSM is the perfect way to express your desires and lose your inhibitions.

However, just because someone is kinky doesn’t mean they’re not affectionate toward their partner. Their sexual preferences don’t deprive them of the need to be taken care of neither. In fact, that need is even more obvious among kinksters than among vanilla people, probably because of the stigma surrounding BDSM.

Caring for Wounds and Injuries

The reasons for aftercare can be of physical and emotional nature alike. Nevertheless, bodily injuries are more obvious and thus the first association to BDSM aftercare. Numerous scenes, especially sadomasochistic ones, involve inflicting pain with sex toys such as whips and floggers, which is why they can leave wounds.

If you’re into pain-related kinks, you have to keep a first-aid kit in your bedroom (or dungeon), whether you’re submissive or dominant. Even though safety must never be overlooked within BDSM circles, you (or your partner) might get carried away during a scene. In that case, you’ll need to have adequate equipment in order to take care of each other’s injuries.

However, don’t rely solely on aftercare. A scene should never be so intense as to cause major damage to a person’s health. This is why you need to discuss boundaries and decide on the safe word before you engage in BDSM.

RELATED: Everything You Need To Know About Using Safewords.

Replenishment

However fun and exciting, a BDSM scene can be rather exhausting, both physically and emotionally. Once the adrenaline rush passes and the energy level lowers, you may feel hungry, thirsty, or both. That’s why food and hydration are an essential part of aftercare.

You don’t have to cook a full-course dinner to provide aftercare for one another. However, you should have some snacks and a bottle of water at hand. Given the post-sex blood sugar level drop, your stock ought to contain some chocolate bars as well as some fruit for refreshment.

In case you want an actual meal, you can go to a nearby restaurant (if you’re not too tired). An alternative would be to have it delivered. Not only will you eat, but you will also enjoy a relaxing activity in each other’s company outside of sex.

Engaging in Relaxing Activities

Speaking of relaxing activities, you need to take them into account. BDSM play can impact a person’s emotional well-being as well. In fact, recognizing each other’s emotional needs after a scene may be even more important than physical aftercare since they aren’t as obvious as bodily injuries.

Both the dominant and the submissive person can feel the need for emotional aftercare, although “sub drop” is more common. The reason for it lies in the power exchange, which is the basis of a BDSM relationship. The more intense the scene, the more obvious the difference of roles between the top and the bottom; hence, the higher the chances of feeling insecure, ashamed, or guilty afterward.

Although you should be able to communicate your needs to each other, you may not always be able to tell whether your partner needs emotional aftercare or not. That’s why you ought to make it mandatory. It’ll bring you closer and make you feel safe around one another.

You can do whatever feels relaxing — cuddle, sleep, listen to music, watch a movie, or have a warm bath together. There’s no universal recipe — everyone’s idea of relaxation is different.

Aftercare for Dom

“Sub drop” is more common, but that doesn’t mean that doms don’t need aftercare. They may not experience physical pain after a scene, but it can leave emotional marks on them. A dom can feel guilty for “hurting” their partner, which usually leads to their drop.

If that happens, a sub needs to know how to provide aftercare for their dom. While relaxing activities can be helpful, it’s best to directly address their insecurities with affection, words of affirmation, and physical contact. A dom has to know that their sexual preferences don’t make them an abuser because everything that happens between them and their sub is safe, sane, and consensual. In fact, it’s precisely the SSC principle that distinguishes a BDSM relationship from an abusive one. Although all the kinksters know that, sometimes, it may be necessary to be reminded of it.

Final Thoughts

Since intimacy is the key to a successful BDSM relationship, you must know the importance of aftercare. However you divide your roles, you both have to know how to provide it for each other. Only then will you be able to enjoy your play to the fullest.